Avengers Nerf Battle
by TheGreenNGoldAvenger
Summary: What happens when the heros encounter a strange new weapon.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, they belong to Marvel, nor do I own Nerf, but it would be cool.

Chapter One

"Hey, look at his! I remember playing with these!" Bruce exclaimed as a bunch of Nerf dart guns tumbled out of Tony's closet. He had been looking for something else, no one remembered what. Steve got up from the couch to investigate. "They look like guns. Tony, why do you have guns in your closet?" Tony sauntered over to them. "Steve, a closet is a terrible place for weapons, that's what the basement is for. But these aren't guns, not ones that can kill you anyway. They're dart guns. See?" He grabbed one, pointed it at Bruce, and pulled the trigger. A bright orange dart flew out and affixed itself to Bruce's shirt. "Hey!" He cried. "Oh, I see. Thanks for the demo." Steve said, eyeing the remaining guns.

"Wanna have a go?" Tony asked and extended his arm to the super soldier. "Sure, but how about inviting the whole gang over?" Steve suggested. "That sounds like fun, how are we supposed to get Thor? I don't think anyone has his number." Bruce added. " Oh yeah, fair point. JARVIS, call Natasha and Clint to see if they can come." Tony told the super computer. "Yes, sir." JARVIS replied.

About an hour later, the doorbell rang. "It's open!" Tony called over his shoulder, they were seated on the sofa, waiting. "What took you so long, did you stop for drive through?" Steve poked Tony in the side. "You're hilarious, so creative." Bruce snorted. "Trouble at SHIELD, but everything's under control now." Natasha stated as the two entered. "Yeah. We don't want anymore alien invasions." Clint added as he hung up his coat.

"So, what's up?" Clint asked as he made his way towards the couch. "It's what Bruce found. Take a look." Tony instructed with a serious face. "Let's take a peek, shall we?" Natasha walked up to Bruce. "Dart guns? Seriously? You called us away from work for this?" She yelled. He smiled sheepishly. "Hey, I think we all need a vacation. It'll be fun." Clint saved Tony's skin. Natasha sighed. "Fine. What's the plan?" "You two, against us." Tony proclaimed and gestured to Bruce and Steve. "Three against two? That's not fair!" Clint whined. "You guys are better shots. I'm being generous!" Tony argued. And, of course, he was right. "That's right. Don't be so grumpy, Legolas!" Clint glared at Steve. Only Tony can get away with calling him that.

After a little more arguing, they got nowhere, but things were eventually settled. Natasha and Clint vs. Steve, Bruce (NOT Hulk), and Tony (NOT Ironman). Tony had a whole floor dedicated for weapon and SHIELD agent training. Why he had that, no one knew. It was a mini-city. Smaller scale than real NY. Complete with road, buildings, alleys, and subways. "See you on the other side." The two teams went to two different sides of 'Minihatten', as Tony called it.

Here is what we are going to do." Tony handed out a long-range rifle to Bruce. "Nice." He commented and mocked shooting Steve. "What's for me?" Steve looked like a little boy on Christmas morning. Tony gave him a pistol and a shield. "Of course." Steve grabbed the shield and began to adjust his technique to the different weight. "They think we only have three, but we don't. We have JARVIS." "Yes!" He handed out little ear buds to everyone. "We can communicate with each other and with JARVIS. He can tell you anything you need to know and can do most things for you." Tony handed Bruce an exact replica of his glasses. "What's this for?" Bruce asked and swapped the glasses, setting the originals on the table. "These are our eyes in the sky. They are hooked up to different cameras placed throughout the city, press the button on the rims to turn them on, the other to flip through the angles. You got our backs, tell us if anything interesting is happening. And you can tell us where we are in retrospect to the opponents. You don't have to get close with that gun, you can stay out of the way, and focus on the other things." Tony said, huffing from the long explanation.

Bruce put them on and pressed the button. "Ready?" He asked his teammates. "Yup." "Lets do this." "'Cause here they come." Oh.

"Okay, this is our base, dart refills are here. They can't enter our base, and we can't enter theirs either. Banner, to the tallest building you can find." Tony quickly instructed. "Steve, Clint is two blocks away, closing in fast. Can't see Natasha." Bruce said. "I'll distract him." Steve readied his pistol. "Be careful. It could be a trap." Steve ignored him jumped out of the small window to meet up with Clint.

Clint saw the super-soldier and charged. He fired a few shots, and the shield caught them. Steve kneeled down, closed one eye, took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger. "1-0" JARVIS's voice rang throughout Minihatten. The other guys slipped through the door where they wouldn't be spotted. "Good luck" Bruce patted Tony on the back as they split up. Bruce opened the door, which creaked from lack-of-use. He climbed up the four flights of echoey stairs, on-edge. He finally got on the roof and looked for a good spot to set up. He stifled a gasp. There stood Natasha, leaning over the side, angrily muttering into her own earpiece, looking down on the street, oblivious to the intruder. "3-2." We're still winning, slightly. Since Bruce didn't need to get close, he didn't. He backed up, aimed the rifle at her back, switched it to semi-auto, and let 'er rip. Five rounds embedded themselves into her jacket. "8-3" Whoops of celebration could be heard in the distance.

"You!" She wheeled around. "Me." Bruce smiled evilly and let another five go. "13-3" "No!" She yelled and pulled out her pistol. James Bond, don't fail me now. He learned all his 'super spy moves' from watching those movies hundreds of times. Bruce rolled to the side and ran through pipes just like 007. Or close enough. He ran into the stairwell. "JARVIS, lock it please." Click. He sat down on one of the stairs to catch his breath. He only has five darts left in the magazine. "Banner." Steve's voice came through the ear bud, scaring the heck out of him. "Yup?" "They have Tony."

Chapter Two

"Where is he now?" Bruce asked, worryingly. "No clue, he isn't answering." Steve admitted. "Wait, I know. One sec." He checked the cameras. "Somehow, he's in the Statue of Liberty." "Ok, meet me at the bay by Ellis Island." Steve commanded. "Rodger." He checked everything one last time. Natasha was a couple blocks down, also heading toward lady liberty.

Bruce was walking towards Ellis Island. He made a pit stop back at base to pick up a few more magazines, some for him, some for Steve. He had them strapped around his torso like a sash. He was ready.

He was walking down the street when he saw a flash of red disappear into a building. He cautiously followed. The room badly lit at best. He wandered into the middle of the room. "Revenge is sweet." He spun around to see who it was. Natasha stood outlined in the doorway. The door slammed shut and they were plunged into near complete darkness. Darts seemed to whiz from all directions. He spins to try to find his attacker, but he couldn't see a thing. The cameras would be useless, it was way too dark. This was making him mad.

"Revenge is sweet." Natasha said as she slammed the door. It was payback time. She would shoot darts that barely grazed his skin, his reactions were very predictable. She kept moving, using different angles so he never knew where she was. Bruce was looking furious. Ha ha-oh.

She stopped. Bruce was hunched over, on hands and knees, fingers digging into the ground, gasping, trying to contain himself. Natasha's eyes widened in terror. The only thing in the world that could give her a shiver down her spine was the Hulk. Why didn't she see this before? His breath came faster, he couldn't hold on much longer. Her first priority was trying to get him under control. Natasha rushed over to the scientist. "Bruce, its ok, I'm sorry, I forgot. Please calm down." She worried it was too late.

"Calm?!" He roared. "I am calm!" Bruce stood up, and fired a dart in the center of her chest.

Bruce had won again. He felt like the king of the world. Natasha stood there, too stunned to speak. She was tricked. "Yes, revenge is sweet." Bruce agreed and turned and left her standing there. He had a mission to get back to.

Bruce walked up the bay, where Steve was sitting on a bench, catching his breath. "Hey." Steve looked up, and smiled. "Guess we're going to have to save him, huh?" "Yep." Steve replied. Bruce handed him the extra rounds. His eyes brightened with a new found hope. "Let's save Tony." "JARVIS, can we get a boat, please?" Bruce asked. A little motorboat putted up to the shore. They climbed inside, barely fitting. "Hmm, cozy." Steve commented. JARVIS steered the boat to the island. Once there, they disembarked. The two sneaked up to the statue, eyes darting around. "Where exactly is he, Bruce?" "One mo." He checked the glasses. "In the torch. The very top." They set off to the stairs; the torch was only five stories up, much smaller than real life. They reloaded their weapons. "Tony." Bruce whispered into the ear bud. "It's no use, he can't hear us, I tried." Steve admitted. They continued to climb.

They were at the torch, where Tony was hidden. "Weapons ready, I'll go first. Follow me." Steve said and crept forward. Bruce followed suit. Tied to a chair, was Tony, being questioned by Natasha. "Where are they? What outside help do you have?" Yikes, this was just a game; she acts like it was a real mission. Tony caught Steve's eye, Steve put a finger to his lips. "I honestly have NO idea what you mean." Crack. Natasha slapped him full in the face. Steve tapped Bruce on the shoulder, and motioned him to follow. Once back in the stairwell, Bruce blurted. "We have to help him, she hurting him!" "We will, we need a plan." Steve said, calmly. Bruce checked the cameras again. "Clint is in the crown, we could capture him and do a trade." Bruce added. "Good idea. Let's go." They descended one flight of stairs.

Right as he opened the door, darts came shooting out, missing him by a hair. Bruce slammed the door shut. "Well, there goes the surprise." A pained yell echoed around them, coming from upstairs. Tony. "I'll go first with my shield and draw his fire, then, when its safe, you follow." Bruce nodded. Steve positioned the shield to cover his body, then kicked the door open and ran inside. Shots could be heard from the other side of the door. Bruce looked through the glasses to see the action. "15-5" Clint had run out of ammo. Feeling safe, Bruce entered. Steve had his gun pointed at Clint. "Drop your weapon and stand down." Steve ordered. Clint threw the dart gun and it slid over to Bruce's feet. He picked it up and studied it. Sensing Steve's ambitions, he unwound a rope from his belt and walked over to Clint. His eyes widened with fear. He tied him up so only his feet could move, just enough for walking. "Come on, let's go." Steve prodded him in the back with the barrel. Clint glared, he couldn't argue, because he was gagged as well.

The three slowly climbed the stairs. Steve held Clint in front of him and banged the door open. No more subtlety. Natasha whipped around and fired before she could stop herself. "16-5." Clint gave her a dirty look. "Oh, you, sorry. What do you want?" "To trade." Bruce stepped forward. Natasha was never scared of Bruce before, just a little nerd, but no. He looked dangerous. Equipped with Clint's gun, now fully loaded, as well as his own. He seemed that he wouldn't hesitate to fire. "Hey guys, I was worrying that you would never come!" Tony smiled. No one paid him any attention. "Clint for Stark?" Natasha asked. "Affirmative." Steve shoved Clint a few more steps closer. She walked over to Tony, and undid his bounds. "Thanks you guys, that was so sweet, but why did you take so-?" Tony stopped as Bruce threw him the gun. "Oh, I see. You're mortal enemies because of me now? I'm touched." "Shut up." "Okay." Tony silently sulked. "10 minutes remaining." JARVIS announced. As on queue, Steve, Bruce, and Tony bolted down the stairs, leaving Natasha to untie Clint as they escaped.

They climbed into the boat, and went off. "I really don't fit. Does anyone else fit? 'Cause I don't." Tony complained the whole three-minute ride. Once back on land, they clambered off, no spy in sight. "5 minutes remaining." "I think we can just call it a day. Aaaaaand your not listening." Tony said. "We wait." Bruce said and stood up tall. "Whoa, Bruce. Since when did you become so bold?"

Off in the distance, a dot appeared. The spies were coming. "Be ready." Steve said. It seemed that Tony was no longer in command. Apparently if your hide needs to get saved, you're not fit to lead. The boat landed on shore, and they climbed out. "Weapons at the ready." Steve said. "The game has ended. Thank you, and please come again." JARVIS's news was music to Tony's ears.

The teams met up and shook hands. "That was fun." Natasha admitted. "For you." Tony snapped. "You weren't being tortured!" "Yeah, sorry about that. Heat of the moment." Natasha shrugged. "Bruce, I am amazed, I didn't think you could do that." She congratulated him. "Truth be told, me neither." Bruce smiled sheepishly.

Chapter Three

Everyone met back up in the real Stark tower living room. Natasha said that they had to go, but Clint said they were fine. So she left him behind. "Just us guys then." Tony was easily cheered up after a couple drinks. "Yeah, but we don't need her." Clint drunkenly replied. Steve sighed, he was sober. No amount of alcohol could make him feel even a little bit lightheaded. "You're getting dangerous, Clint. Too many drinks for you." Steve warned. "Nonsense. No such thing!" Tony said. "Steve is right, you've had five shots of whiskey too much." Bruce agreed, and reached for Clint's glass. Bruce was a sensible drinker, he was fine as well. Clint's reaction time was so messed up; Bruce had already poured the drink down the drain when Clint grasped the air where it was only a minute ago. "Hey!" Tony yelled as Steve grabbed his own glass and all the bottles off of the table.

After Steve and Bruce finished cleaning up, Clint and Tony had started arm wrestling. They were both too drunk to have any strength, so they just sat there, laughing like the idiots they are. The alcohol mixed with all the excitement was too much for them, they both simultaneously passed out on the couch. Steve and Bruce locked eyes, and laughed. Bruce dragged Tony to his room and threw him on his bed. They met back in the living room to deliver Clint to Natasha.

At her house, they didn't know where Clint lived, Bruce rang the doorbell, and while Steve had Clint hung over his shoulder. "Oh my God." Natasha sighed as she opened the door to them. She let them in. "Just dump him on the couch. He didn't hurt anyone, did he?" She asked and cleared off the couch. "Nope, everyone's fine." Steve commented as he did what he was told. "Good, last time he was drunk, he got in a fight with some party guests. It wasn't pretty; luckily, the 'victims' weren't drunk as well. That would've been terrible." Natasha recalled. Clint snored in the background. "Well, thanks for dropping him off, I'll deal with him when he wakes." Bruce was glad he wasn't the one passed out on her couch.

She said farewell, and they went on their way. "We should stay with Tony for a while, to make sure he's ok." Steve suggested. "Good idea. Who knows what he will do once he wakes up." "Start drinking again." Bruce snorted. "Probably." Bruce agreed. In haste to get back to Stark's, Steve wound his way through traffic, nearly missing pedestrians, keeping Bruce clenching the dashboard in fright.

Once back at the magnificent tower, the two charged toward the elevator. "JARVIS, up please." "I'm sorry, I have been given the orders not to admit anyone." JARVIS's voice flowed through the lobby. "Then, let's take the stairs." Bruce motioned to the stairwell door. "Ugh, Stark." Steve growled as they approached the stairwell.

After climbing 'oh-my-goodness' flights of stairs, the two finally reached Tony's 'main' level. Bruce reached for the handle. "Won't open." He panted. They locked eyes. Knowing what Steve was going to do, Bruce warily stepped back. Steve placed his fist about ½ a foot above the handle. He brought it back to his chest, took a long, deep breath, and punched a clean hole right in the inch thick door. He stuck his unscathed hand through the hole and groped around for a second. Finding the knob on the other side, he turned it, and the door popped opened. They cautiously entered.

Tony was passed out on the couch. "Wasn't he on the bed when we left?" Steve asked. "He probably woke up, and got drunk again." "Or he was so drunk to begin with, he didn't need any more alcohol to pass out again." Tony stirred slightly. Bruce walked over and sat on the couch on the empty space by Tony's head. He poked him in the side. "Tony, wake up." He poked him in the stomach, then the chest, then the face. Tony's eyes flew open. "Ahh!" He rolled off the couch in surprise. He hit the floor with a thud. He sat up, scowled, and rubbed his elbow. "Wha was that for?" He growled. "You really need to limit your alcohol intake, either you're going to die from this stuff, or your smart mouth." Bruce referred to the point that he called Thor a 'tourist', which earned him a mighty smack in the chest with the magical hammer.

"Hey, where'd Clint go?" Tony looked around the room, then under the couch. "He's at Natasha's." Steve solemnly answered. "Oh, poor fellow." Tony stood up, and fell back onto the couch, crushing Bruce's fingers. "Hey!" he yanked them out from underneath Tony. "Oops, sorry." Tony hiccupped. "Tony, you seriously need some rest." Bruce admitted, caressing his fingers. "You know, I saw somewhere that the quickest way to sober someone up is to give them a good, strong slap." Steve nearly spat the last word. "The next thing is vigorous exercise. And if you don't want the first option, you better start getting some exercise." Tony gaped, wide-eyed at Steve. No one wants to be slapped by Captain America. Steve clenched his fists and slowly approached Tony. Bruce had never seen Steve so upset. But everyone has a breaking point, and that he knows from experience. Steve still came, narrowed eyes, looming over everyone. "Run."

Tony didn't need telling twice. He bolted from the room, Steve on his tail. Bruce got up and walked to one of Tony's computers. "JARVIS, show me footage of the chase." "I was hoping someone would like to watch with me." The screen lit up with the live video feed. JARVIS switched the cameras when the two disappeared off of one of the screens. On screen, Tony would bolt past, with Steve right behind. This is so much more fun than watching football, Bruce thought.

The next time JARVIS switched camera angles, Steve got Tony, dragged him by his collar, and slammed him against the wall, and pushed him up so his feet dangled a few feet above the ground. "Ah, Steve. *wheeze* Please, what did I do? *wheeze*" "JARVIS, where are they? I think Tony needs my help." Bruce asked. "Again. I quite agree. They're on the 7th floor landing."

Bruce rushed from the room to the elevator. "JARVIS?" The door opened and admitted him inside. He rang his hands with nerves as the elevator slowly descended. The silver doors slid open to reveal the scene to Bruce. "Oh, hi, Bruce. This is like, what, the second time you saved me today? What a day. See, Steve? I do have friends!" Tony was still being held up on the wall by his collar by the super soldier. Steve gritted his teeth and let go. "Ah!" He cried as he fell onto the floor. "I'm sorry, Tony. I got carried away." "Actually, I was the one who got carried. Lit-er-ally." "Tony." Bruce quietly warned. "Heh. Hi. I'll just go now." Tony gestured with both of thumbs to the elevator. "Fine, goodbye Tony." Steve trudged down the stairs, hands in pockets, and shoulders hunched. "See you, then. Oh, can I use the elevator? I don't really want to use all of those stairs." Bruce pointed to where Steve had just been a minute before. "Of course. Bye Bruce, it's been fun." Tony smiled. "Right back atcha, Stark." Bruce entered the lift. The doors shut, leaving Tony all alone.

"JARVIS?" "Yes, sir?" His smooth voice flowed through the space. "Is my schedule clear for next Saturday?" Tony asked as he stepped into another elevator. "Yes, sir. What are you planning?" "I want to do this again."


End file.
